Humor is one aspect of what the total package of ATTITUDE is all about.  But when we hear “positive attitude,” some of us cringe.  Especially if our current state of mind is nowhere near, “positive.”  We feel defeated, as though the only way we can be successful is to be something we’re not (at least not at this moment.)  Or worse, we fake it and pretend we’re happier than we really are.  Also not good. 

This is like trying to fit our bodies into today’s fashions.  Even if we’re pounds and years outside of the boundaries of normalcy for that piece of clothing.  Our bodies and personality don’t match the fashion. 

The good news:  You don’t have to match.  As Clinton on TLC’s “What Not To Wear” told one of the show’s models, “The clothes don’t have to match.  The tones are complementary.”  And that’s good enough. 

As long as the tones (the intentions) of our attitude are on the right track, we CAN start from where we are now.  Rigth now:  are you feeling sluggish, de-motivated, or completely all-out negative?  That’s your tone for now, and that’s OK.  As long as it matches the intention of the direction you’re going.  Toward positive.    

Tomorrow, we’ll look at how to get even closer to there…

I love TLC’s “What Not To Wear.”  Sure, hosts Clinton and Stacy can be brutal.  But they’re also what all great humor is—they’re HONEST. 

Today’s episode showed me not only what not to wear, but also what not to say. 
We all have a sense of humor.  Maybe it’s hidden, maybe it’s skewed, maybe it’s vicious.  But it’s there. 
And we all have a creative streak.  Some people’s is subdued, others’ is flagrant.  But we have it. 

The hosts told today’s model about her many tiered micro-mini skirts:  ”Just because you can wear something, doesn’t mean you should.” 

Likewise, just because we HAVE a sense of humor and creativity, doesn’t mean we can or should just say ANYthing that comes to mind.  Doesn’t mean we can not control and direct it to its best use. 

What are YOU wearing today? 

In the book, “The Seven Levels of Intimacy,” author Matthew Kelly talks about ways that we can nourish intimacy with others.  He proscribes times of time-less-ness.  You can set a date, but within that time frame, there is no agenda.  This procedure makes for a much more relaxed, open and fun atmosphere.  Sound like humor?  This is the way I usually travel. 

This week’s Comedy Around the World goes to Norway.  I remember the train pulling up in Oslo, Norway.  I was giving myself a break from my first-ever marathon in Berlin, Germany.  The first marathon I completed without going to the hospital. 

I couldn’t walk upright very well, and still had constant pain all through my body.  I had no idea where to stay and didn’t speak the language.  But strangely, none of that mattered.  I had no energy to make that matter! 

All I could do was go through the day(s) and let the city happen to me.  I wasn’t on a schedule, because I hadn’t researched any of the city’s landmarks.  All I had was a general goal to visit Vigeland Statue Park.  I had seen pictures that my friend Mike showed when he visited there on a break from his year-long study in Germany.  Other than that, my days were wide open.

That seemingly chaotic time turned out to be one of the most pleasant trips I have ever experienced.  Pleasant because it was unstructured.  Fun because there were no deadlines, no tasks to accomplish.  My only purpose was to enjoy myself in Oslo. 

What day will YOU plan for your time-less-ness excursion? 

When we decide what we will call ourselves, we decide what direction we’re going. 

How did I manage to garner enough discipline to make the final-run of my dissertation process?  For people who have endured this trial, they know all about the long nights, the constant mental strain—of chapter deadlines, appeasing the committee members, pondering the research topic and wondering when and if the entire drama will end.  And if yours was a subject in the soft sciences, you probably had to continue working to finance your degree. 

The stress of this type of lifestyle makes developing focus an almost impossible feat.  I knew I had to do something.  With so many irons in the fire, nothing would be completed.  It wasn’t physically possible. 

What I did was rememberred my story.  My identity.  How I saw myself. 

I am an athlete.  From a long time ago, beginning with gymnastics in grade school, and continuing with track and cross-country in both high school and college.  Sports teaches us something important.  It shows us structure, order, and direction.  Things that get lost in the fray of the dissertation-writing process. 

Once I reminded myself that I am an athlete, everything changed.  I realized that I DO (already) have discipline.  It had just been buried in the Pepsi-fueled long drives home from night classes.  Hidden in the clanging of differing tasks and urgencies.  Subdued in the mire of worry, panic, and other academic-related sensations. 

But when I claimed that former identity, I collected all its helpful characteristics.  Confidence that I could complete the monumentous task before me.  Fearlessness about juggling time pressures and typing pressures.  Hope that I could operate in a different, more effective way.  Hope that told me I could finish the race. 

What identity are YOU choosing for yourself today?  And how does that determine your direction and your success? 

I’ve been thinking recently about humor, and why more people don’t think it’s important.  Now I know:  

Humor is only one part of the equation.  And the answer to that equation is ATTITUDE.  Attitude is what I call that atmosphere we can generate by using our sense of humor.  It’s that light-hearted space where we feel unimpeded.  Where we feel free to contribute our ideas, and the place where we do our best work.  The environment where we can develop our best selves. 

Humor is a big part of that.  But so are other things.  Like our mind-body connections.  Harboring negative attitudes and resentments gradually settles into our physical body.  If we don’t acknowledge this facet, no amount of humor will make a lasting impression on our state of mind (and body). 

But attitude doesn’t mean we should blithely put a smiley-face on our problems.  Doing that can be even more destructive than staying mad!  Denial of the neg’s in our life just makes them get bigger, come out in the wrong places, and fester our souls like an acid.  Comedian Chonda Pierce talked about her fitting in worn-out and torn Spanx body-shaping wear:  “It’s like trying to put the Pillsbury dough back into the can!”  Shoving our problems under a smiley mask will just make matters worse. 

Look here for more tools to develop not just your sense of humor, but also your ATTITUDE.  That over-arching, all-encompassing, omni-present force that shapes our days, rules our lives, and determines our direction. 

When I was taking therapy to recover from hand surgery, I got shocked.  That tens unit shocking machine felt like someone was burning a cigarette on my arm.  I told the therapist, “I think the charge on this is too high.  You’d better turn it down.” 

He assured me instead that the charge was OK.  It was probably some impedance that changed the pH of my skin—like sweat, salt, PMS hormones, anything.  So he took a wet paper towel and wiped my arm, then stuck the machine piece back on my arm. 

And the pain was gone. 

I am a person who has a lot of ideas.  A lot.  When something goes wrong, I instantly want to throw out the baby and start all over again.  Something brand new.  Something totally unrelated and different.  Surely that will bring success.  Or at least take away the pain. 

But sometimes the change that’s needed is something so minor that our clever minds miss it.   Sometimes we don’t have to throw out the baby.  Maybe we just need to change the water.   

Humor is our bathwater.  The place where we can experiment, make alterations, test the waters.  How our babies react to that water will determine the amount of change we can create. 

Are YOU throwing out the baby before you test the water? 

My patient-hero, D.J. Miller, and I were part of this great fund-raiser and with D.J.’s inspiration I ran marathons in Paris France, Bermuda, Athens Greece, Anchorage Alaska, Honolulu, and New Orleans. 

You can show Jim your support by clicking on the link below and helping him and HIS patient-hero to conquer leukemia once and for all! 

Here’s Jim Logue’s message to you:  
“Hi fellow alumni. Training just started for the Marine Marathon in October. That’s 26.2 miles. I need to raise $2500 for the Leukemia society. This will be a big event for me. Any support will be much appreciated! Simply visit: http://pages.teamintraining.org/cpa/corps10/jlogue ”

Yesterday at our yoga class we learned about Santosha.  No, not the rock guitarist Santana.  This is contentment.  An allowing of yourself to just be, accepting yourself.  Whether it’s in a difficult yoga pose, or in a difficult situation at work.  Just be accepting of, and content with, where and what you are here and now. 

The more I thought about Santosha, the more I realized that is where good humor has to start.  Sure, bad humor can start anywhere.  Negative emotions are great for crafting sarcasm.  Negative intentions are necessary for creating blue humor.  But I’m talking about good humor.  The kind that is not only funny, but uplifting, insightful, and creative. 

Because if we don’t have contentment with ourselves, we can’t tap into our innate humor resources. 
So how do we cultivate this Santosha? 

By going to the gym.  That’s where I got a great idea from a guy whose t-shirt read, “I’m a keeper.”  At first I thought, “What an egotistical twenty-something jack-ass!”  But the more I thought about him in his bragadoccio and obliviousness-inducing i-pod, the more insightful I became. 

What if we could ALL wear that t-shirt in our minds.  Every day.  Knowing that we are “a keeper.”  That our ideas are valid, our sense of humor unique, honest and effective.  Realizing that we have all we need to accomplish the next step in our life journey.  Without worrying or comparing, without scheming or self-sabotage. 

I think I achieved Santosha the very next day while I was cancelling my anti-virus subscription.  The process was tedious.  I had two e-mail accounts going.  Couldn’t find my ID code.  I was very de-motivated about the entire drama. 

Yet as I found the right place on the website to cancel my order, I felt clear.  Unworried.  Almost at peace.  As a chatted online with customer service I was unworried that the task would be taken care of.  And as the customer service person signed on, I knew I was on-cue. 

His name?  Santosh. 

He’s a keeper. 

I am too. 

Are you? 

“Know how you can tell a dog that’s been dropped off?  He looks both ways and doesn’t know which way to go.”  That’s what my neighbor told me, as we were talking about a recently found Cocker Spaniel. 

This week’s Comedy Around the World goes—somewhere.  Unknown.  Into the reaches of the change process.  The way that dog acted is also how we humans tend to react during times of transition and change. 

We can’t focus, because we don’t know WHAt to focus on.  Just like the lost dog, we don’t know who or where our new “owner” is—our new identity.  The house where we’ll stay, where we’ll feel and be safe.  We just don’t know. 

One of the themes I culled from my original research on transitions was the need for belonging.  This sense of community helps us to move through changing times and come out on the other side—being our true self. 

The good news is that humor helps us to foster this sense of belonging.  When you “get” the joke, when you collaborate with others to generate laughter, when you feel that lightness that characterizes good humor—you know you have emerged from your trying time.  

“Will I ever laugh again?”  asked Carrie in the first Sex and the City movie, after being jilted by Mr. Big.  Her friend Miranda said, “Yes, when something is really really funny.” 

And so will you, once you move through your own personal trial.  When you can laugh, you’ll know not only which way to look, you’ll know which way to go next!