06.10.10

Let the River Run

Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor~Inspirational, www.yourshiningexample.com at 5:36 pm by Dr. Trina Hess

This week’s Comedy Around the World goes kayaking along the Allegheny River. My friend Mike taught me how to kayak. We started out on a small lake. Then I graduated to Moraine State Park, and their gigantic lake there. I was afraid at first, because the lake area had been a former glacier. So it was a BIG Lake. And, the middle of the lake would be very deep.

But after kayaking on the lake for several hours, I wasn’t worried anymore about drowning. In fact, although my shoulders were hurting, I was actually enjoying paddling the waves. It wasn’t scary anymore. Because it had become fun.

Then, Mike invited me to kayak on the Allegheny River. I said no. It was moving water. It would be too scary. I would never survive.

A few years went by and I had (and took) the opportunity to kayak on a small creek. The water there was very fast. There was little time to relax. It wasn’t at all like the lake. But it was fun because it was something completely different than anything I’d ever tried.

A funny thing happened yesterday. I drove by the Allegheny River and looked at it through my car window. It didn’t seem so threatening anymore. I learned that river water is much slower than stream water. What I had (already) done on the creek had been much more death-defying than kayaking on the river would have been.

And I had no idea while I was on the creek.
I was just there for fun.

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06.09.10

Use It Or LOSE It!

Posted in Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, www.yourshiningexample.com at 2:49 pm by Dr. Trina Hess

Here’s another part of the article that I wrote for Dr. Nancy Mramor’s Happiness Project. This section looks at WHY we don’t use our natural, innate sense of humor.

The Happiness Project shares the expertise of over a dozen authors who have contributed joint articles with Nancy to let you know what the latest research says about what makes you happy. Our wish for you is that you have the happiest year of your life by joining in the free subscription to these 12 E-zines at drmramor.com.

One reason we don’t utilize our natural and innate humor abilities is because humor has been hijacked by our culture. Either we are convinced humor has to be vulgar to be funny (witness any comedy club scene or Comedy Central special). Or, maybe worse, we are led to believe that all humor is supposed to be happy, healthy and healing. This leads us to think that if we aren’t happy all the time, something is wrong with us. And so we put our humor skills in a corner until we feel happy enough to laugh and have fun.

We’ve got it all backwards! Humor is about the whole gamut of emotions. Humor draws on all our emotions because humor craves the truth. All our emotions are truthful, if we look honestly at them, and allow them out. Humor allows us that release. It lets the valve of negativity spew out its truth so that we can get on with our day. When we deny the unpleasant its expression in our lives, it finds an outlet in unhealthy ways. You kick the dog because you had a bad day at work. You scream at your family because they are in the vicinity.

The book, “The Positive Power of Negative Thinking”, by Julie Norem, PhD, highlights a strategy that is useful for some people: imagining the worst-case scenario. From that imagining, we can devise coping strategies and form more effective plans. Humor can be part of that imagining. When we exaggerate beyond reality, we may not just laugh, but we can make better and more detailed plans.

Unfortunately, we resist the urge to imagine the worst because we have been taught that negativity is the culprit of all our displeasure. The real villain, though, is anxiety. Humor has the power to erase that anxiety and open the way for positive and happy feelings to emerge and thrive. It all comes back to telling your truth, your whole truth, both good and bad. And then settle into your acceptance and watch your stress subside.

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Why Aren’t You Laughing?

Posted in Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, www.yourshiningexample.com at 2:46 pm by Dr. Trina Hess

Here’s more of the article that I wrote for Dr. Nancy Mramor’s Happiness Project. This project shares the expertise of over a dozen authors who have contributed joint articles with Nancy to let you know what the latest research says about what makes you happy. Our wish for you is that you have the happiest year of your life by joining in the free subscription to these 12 E-zines at drmramor.com.

So why don’t we use our humor skills to make our lives better, healthier, and happier? What stops us is our need to control. We want to control our image, and control what happens to us. We want to control the hurting and control how people think of us. During a transition or stressful situation, our need for control is intensified. During a transition, we feel our lives are out of our control, and we are unable to focus and make clear decisions.

But the only and best way to do this is, ironically, acceptance. Our best solution when we’re in the deluge of despair is to loosen the reins and throw them off. We have to stop trying to control our transition situation, the pain it’s causing us, and the perception others have of us. In my qualitative doctoral research on work transitions, control played a major role. What remedied this out-of-control feeling was humor, and the acceptance that characterizes humor. When participants laughed about their powerlessness, they felt less over-powered by their transition situation.

Paradoxically enough, if things are getting out-of-hand, if we will just let go, we can gain the upper hand! In my study, I found that humor gave people back their feeling of being in control of their lives. Not only that, but they gained a feeling of hope. Together, humor and hope propelled participants through their difficult transition, and cleared the way for purposeful decision-making.

Authors Nancy Schlossberg and Susan Porter Robinson in their book, “Going to Plan B: How you can cope, regroup, and start your life on a new path,” suggest that coping implies a continuum of strategies, each one allowing us more room for hope. Humor can lead us toward hope by helping us to deflect our feelings of defeat. In addition, humor allows us to distance ourselves from the problem, enabling us to increase our self-confidence. Someone once said that everything is funny, given enough time.

Schlossberg and Robinson describe a four-part process for dealing with transitions. Humor enters in at the second, “easing”, stage. Humor can not only ease us into the next phase of the transition process, it can also wake us up. For example, some therapists have found that humorous metaphors can drive home a point more effectively. Humor can help us acknowledge the futility of our situation and then seek effective solutions for ourselves.

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06.07.10

You Happy Yet?

Posted in Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Research, www.yourshiningexample.com at 6:49 pm by Dr. Trina Hess

Happy yet? Here’s a re-post of part of the article that I wrote for Dr. Nancy Mramor’s Happiness Project. The project shares the expertise of over a dozen authors who have contributed joint articles with Nancy to let you know what the latest research says about what makes you happy. Our wish for you is that you have the happiest year of your life by joining in the free subscription to these 12 E-zines at drmramor.com.

Here ya go:
“According to Baylor College of Medicine BioEd Online, humor triggers parts of the brain that help us to “get” the joke. These are the same areas of the brain that control smiling and laughter. When we respond to (or with) humor, our brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical in the brain. Research is continuing on how the appreciation of humor can diagnose the early stages of depression.

Humor actually creates transitions in our bodies and our brains. So, how can we use this humor power to help the transitions we encounter in daily life? Well, humor begins with ACCEPTANCE–exactly what we can’t or don’t want to do during a transition. We want to be in control! We want to overcome! We want to be comfortable again. And so we fight against our situation. Or, sometimes worse, we yield to passiveness and then to hopelessness.

Acceptance is the main factor that propelled my career as a humorist speaker to the next level. When I started performing comedy over ten years ago, I was all over the map. I don’t mean I was traveling to clubs and getting paid. I mean I was doing material about rap music, dumb blonde jokes—a little of everything. I even talked about urban material even though I grew up in the country (yes, this country), and never saw a sidewalk or an elevator until I was well into grade school. But I thought I was hilarious!

The only problem was that no one else was laughing. I thought there was something wrong with my audiences until a wise comedy mentor gave me his observation. “They’re not laughing because you’re not believable. There’s no truth there. Just talk about what you know. Talk about your day.”

I was dejected. I protested, “But there’s nothing funny about my life! I don’t even have a real job. I’m just a substitute teacher until the real teacher dies.” And you know what? He laughed. And as I continued to tell him about my uninteresting and not-funny life, he laughed more. I realized that once I could look at the truth, and accept it, I began to relax. I could see that my best humor was what was already happening all around me. I was living it. I didn’t need to listen to rap music! Not even at stop signs in someone else’s car!

The story got even better. I thought, “If I can talk about these “boring” things in my day-to-day life, why not tackle the more painful things?” I decided I would tell my tragic stories and add some exaggeration. So I threw in some tragic, horrific events. And–voila! More laughs. I talked about my need for a nose job because I’d had a tough childhood. “I was the only little girl in the 4th grade that looked like Alice Cooper.” But now I brag that ever since my nose job I look just like Julia Roberts. “Brother Eric.”

When we are able to accept something painful or hurtful, and then direct it through the lens of humor, we transform it. We disable its power over us and our emotions, our stress level, and our actions. In the process we ourselves are transformed. I’ve gotten the biggest laughs from talking about things that for years had broken my heart. And I hope that in the re-telling of these now-humorous tragedies others will say to themselves, “Hey—if she can laugh at the garbage in her life, maybe I can too. Let’s see–how can I transform my trials into humor gold?”

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06.06.10

Why Roseanne Barr Should be President of My Company

Posted in Humor~Creativity, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, www.yourshiningexample.com at 2:56 am by Dr. Trina Hess

Roseanne Barr epitomizes what humor is all about. Whether you think she’s funny, whether you agree with her views, doesn’t matter. Here’s why:

She is honest. She doesn’t sugarcoat things, she tells it like it is. People appreciate that, because they receive so little of that.

Think I’m wrong? Read Arlie Hochschild’s book, “The Managed Heart”. In it, she lays out all the hidden ways we sabotage our emotions by being false to ourselves. When we are false to ourselves, we lose touch with our identity, not to mention our sense of humor

In customer service, we have to sometimes force ourselves to be nice. We know we aren’t feeling pleasant, but we have to pretend, and to act like we are. This surface acting grows to trick even ourselves.

So—when we leave work, we can’t be totally sure whether we are still playing a “role” at home, too.

But humor keeps us on track. The more we can fuel our humor with REAL emotions, the better off we will be. You don’t have to try to be pleasant, likeable, or even funny! Just be real.

Think Roseanne.
Thank Roseanne.

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06.03.10

The Mudra of All Mudras

Posted in Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Humor~Research, www.yourshiningexample.com at 10:15 pm by Dr. Trina Hess

I’ve always wondered why doctors and dentists offices play bland, soft-rock puke-inducing music. I am already in a state of unrest when I arrive, knowing what kinds of procedures these professionals do. It is like telling everyone, “Put on a happy face.” It only works for half the people. The other half will become even more anxious.

I’m not even making this stuff up, the research was done in Julie K. Norem’s fabulous book, “The Positive Power of Negative Thinking.”

I thought of a better way when I got my stitches out one day at the doctor’s office. Why not play Motley Crue, some Jackal or G’n'R? I want to meet the task at hand with music that will match it. I’m already not in a calm mood, so playing calm music will make me panic even more.

Craig Valentine advises a similar strategy for speakers: don’t automatically ask people to jump up out of their seats with, “Are you ready to rumble?”-style cheerleading. Some people are tired. Some people don’t want to be there. Some people will never be cheerleaders. You have to start from their energy and then they will go with you anywhere.

Back to the doctor’s office. There was no music playing so I had to improvise. I held the mudra (hand gesture—no not that one) that we learned in yoga class. Touching 4th finger and crossing the first finger over the second. This helped me to breathe more deeply.

I recalled the scene from Platoon where the soldier was wounded and anxious and his commanding officer said, “TAKE the pain!” And eventually the soldier accepted the pain rather than ignore it and suffer reactively.

So I was ready for the procedure. I thought, “Bring it on, mudras!” I was in no happy mood, but I was prepared. They would be doing an injurious thing to me, so I had to meet them and the situation with the same fierceness.

I realized that was why my other appointments were such a disaster. Nausea, passing out, crying, thrashing around. And that was just the doctor. When I expected to hurt, I got scared, and I could only react, not act. I was cowering to the situation and the task at hand.

But when I matched the situation with the attitude it required (toughness) I was O.K. I didn’t even cry. And neither did the nurse.

What situations are you NOT matching? Are you keeping your usual style and suffering? Show the mudras what you’re made of! Now!

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