05.13.13
Posted in Learning Identity, Stress and Change, The Change Process, www.trinahess.com at 4:15 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
photo from Sant Laughter Meditation
I read something about The bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev, how he felt alienated from the country he was living in. How heavily our identity, what & how we think of ourselves, creates chaos…
The writer said Tsarnaev’s identity was a constant recollection of Russian oppression. He needed to uphold this, even while living in a country that didn’t really resemble his homeland. He probably had to keep distance from his new country’s values, and in so doing he missed having a sense of belonging.
The alienation created shame created stress created a devastating scenario.
How do we reverse this downward trend in our own lives?
Maybe by figuring out where we DO have a sense of belonging. Building on that world that reflects our values. Knowing how we will identify ourselves. Claiming the right to identify ourselves–aside from nationality, past histories, other’s judgments (and even our own).
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.trinahess.com
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05.07.13
Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor & change, Leadership of One: Unicycleadership, Learning Identity, Stress and Change, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.trinahess.com at 4:24 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
On Sunday I learned a new way to get my unicycle started. No, not with a motor.
You see, for almost 19 months I have been holding on to a wall with one hand, taking my uni seat in the other hand, and then steadying the pedals, and finally—riding away from the wall. This sounds like a lot of effort. But now it seems easy. Compared to the 5 months of Saturdays it took till I could ride away from the wall, and without anyone holding my hand.
Last night I tried a new system for learning to not lean on anyone. For believing in my ability to move forward. Here is what I did:
Using the kindness of Hi-Level Golf Course, and their letting me use their golf carts, I set up the system. On one side of the cement I parked a golf cart, driver’s side facing the outside. On the other end of the pavement, another golf cart, also driver’s side facing the outside.
Here is where it (usually) gets scary. The unaided wheel. The unsteady pedals. The gravity of it all. Literally.
This is usually when I would start to panic. Worry. Quit. But this time I didn’t.
Instead, I engaged my left-brain to counter my emotions going haywire:
One: Hand on cart roof handle.
Two: Left foot on pedal.
Three: Crotch on seat.
Four: Right foot on pedal.
Five: Left arm out to side for balance.
On Six, I started pedaling away from the cart.
And when I felt like I couldn’t pedal anymore—the moment of truth, when I usually make an UPD (unplanned dismount), I leaned forward. And I kept going.
I didn’t have a fear of falling. I was too intense on keeping count of my pedals, so that I could step off on my left foot instead of my right foot. (I had hurt my left big toe in a related unicycle incident a few days earlier. Not from riding, but from driving over dog poop and then going outside in the dark to wipe off the dog poop from my tire. I misjudged the walking distance to a lawn railroad tie and lifted my toenail out of the bed. Extra painful, since I had already lost both big toenails in the Paris Marathon in 1994. But that is another blog entry. I’m not sure if I broke the toe, so I started stepping off with the other foot just to be safe.)
That’s what happens when we follow our curiosity. Our courage takes over.
We get intuitive.
We start listening to what works for US.
We become fearless, because we are not focusing on, or even feeling, fear.
We are goal-driven when that goal is fun for us.
This type of goal-reaching is productive and success-filled, because it’s not a chore. It’s not unpleasant. When we follow our funs, we are pulled along by our self-belief.
What have YOU been afraid to try? Count the ways you can stay curious about your new and fun venture, and start pedaling! How funny is THAT?
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.trinahess.com
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02.19.13
Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor & change, Humor~Research, Learning Identity, Stress and Change, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.trinahess.com at 3:20 am by Dr. Trina Hess
At what point does acceptance become hopelessness? And when does that hopelessness lead to passiveness in our decision-making?
I re-evaluated my participants’ explanations of the ‘contentment’ they said they had.
“Just see where that path goes…”
“I don’t expect everything to be perfect.”
“I don’t expect every day to be honey and roses, but just to be content with where I’m at.”
“Just being content with where you are in life.”
Maybe I saw a new light shed on these meanings because I noticed all of the “just”’s throughout our interviews. Maybe this normally-positive phenomenon known as “contentment” was really, merely, a settling for less. Because of little self-efficacy during this work transition period. Or maybe feelings of worthlessness or unworthiness.
Much like some participants had used the term, “Just happened” when describing how they’d fallen into their first career “choice”. What seemed at first to be openness to change and possibilities now looked more like passiveness, and taking what was possible at the time.
At what point do we decide, “This is acceptable”? At what point do we stop trying harder and try what is right in front of us? And do we always know the difference between feeling at peace with our choices, and quieting the voice that says we could have done better?
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.trinahess.com
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11.28.12
Posted in Humor & change, Learning Identity, Stress and Change, The Change Process, www.trinahess.com at 4:35 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Today I learned that my piano teacher died.
This month is the end of an era. That’s what I’ve been thinking recently. With the death of my comedy friend and co-writer JD Sidley. With the death of Hector “Macho” Camacho, foil of my fave Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini, and co-star of many fights I watched as a teenager.
And now, my piano teacher. From age 12 until graduating high school, I was her student. As she taught, inspired, opened doors and perspectives for me. As she played a major part in my formative years, and my forming my adolescent self.
What do we DO when we sense the end of an era?
When we feel the specter of losing control—of what we knew, the pattern of life that was familiar? There is a sudden sadness, sure.
But then there is the rest. The other. The more and more. We don’t often acknowledge this during a loss, but it is there. Under the surface. Lurking behind the bad moods, bad nutrition, bad words, bad days. We don’t put the pieces together. But it is a matter of missing the pieces of ourselves, when those from a past era have passed.
I don’t think we normally think in this format, unless there is a collection of comfortable cohorts who leave us all at once. If there is only one loss (“only”), we are usually so enmeshed in its grief that we don’t—we can’t—see the bigger picture: how the loss is affecting who WE are.
So what DO we do with this information? This information that we haven’t yet identified AS information? Because we don’t see the opening of the moat door, letting us out of the castle(s) of the past. We want to stay inside to safe-n ourselves from the pain of the loss(es).
But these three losses recently—they have blown out/blown through/blown past the door of the moat so that I can’t NOT look past that former door. And now I am looking out onto the other side of an era. Forced to not only lessen the losses somehow, but also loosen their fastening onto my identity-mosaic.
I really DON’T have an answer. About what I’m feeling or supposed to feel. I just know that it’s the end of an era.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Learn more about “Change stresses us. Stress changes us. Get back IN CONTROL” —programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.trinahess.com
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11.25.12
Posted in Humor & change, Learning Identity, Stress and Change, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.trinahess.com at 6:10 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Way to de-stress: FOCUS solely on enjoyment. I did this a few years ago on a trip I took to Norway.
I remember the train pulling up in Oslo. I was giving myself a break from my first-ever marathon in Berlin, Germany. The first marathon I completed without going to the hospital.
I couldn’t walk upright very well. Going down steps I walked like John Wayne. Still had constant pain all through my body.
Physical pain creates stress in our minds. But there was more: I had no idea where to stay and didn’t speak the language. But strangely, none of that mattered. I had no energy to make that matter.
All I could do was go through the days and let the city happen to me. I wasn’t on a schedule, because I hadn’t researched any of the city’s landmarks. My days were wide open.
That seemingly chaotic time turned out to be one of the most pleasant trips I have ever experienced. Pleasant because it was unstructured. Fun because there were no deadlines, no tasks to accomplish. My only purpose was to enjoy.
Take 5 minutes tomorrow at noon and plan your next time-less-ness excursion.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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Posted in Humor & change, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.trinahess.com at 5:53 am by Dr. Trina Hess
“Know how you can tell a dog that’s been dropped off? He looks both ways and doesn’t know which way to go.” That’s what my neighbor told me, as we were talking about a recently found Cocker Spaniel.
The way a stray dog acts is also how we humans tend to react to the stress of change.
We can’t focus, because we don’t know WHAT to focus on. Just like the lost dog, we don’t know who or where our new “owner” is—our new identity. The house where we’ll stay, where we’ll feel and be safe. We just don’t know.
One of the themes I culled from my original research on work transitions: the need for belonging. A sense of community that helps us move through changing times and come out on the other side—being our true self.
Our authentic, original, innate laughter leads us to this belonging. Think of how you feel each time you “get” the joke. How complete you feel when you collaborate with others to bring a laughter incident full-circle. When you feel that lightness that characterizes good humor—you know you have emerged from your trying time.
“Will I ever laugh again?” asked Carrie in the first Sex and the City movie, after being jilted by Mr. Big. Her friend Miranda said, “Yes, when something is really really funny.”
When you’ve found something really, really funny, you’ll know not only which way to look. You’ll know which way to go next.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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11.09.12
Posted in Humor & change, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 4:05 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Customizing a “Laugh through Difficult ~cHAnge!~” program for next week’s bereavement group event.Bringing in elements from my original research on work transitions, and how my career change participants had lost a sense of BELONGING.
Maybe you can relate: You don’t FEEL the same when you’re in your ‘usual’ groups of friends, coworkers, volunteers, social clubs. Something is “off”, but you can’t name it. You can surely sense it. Our body/mind/soul seeks this sense of belonging—it knows it as our “purpose” and when we’re not on it, or in it, we don’t feel great.
We feel out-of-control
and
we find nothing FUNNY.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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Posted in Humor & change, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 4:00 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Change represents a loss. Of something. 
It ultimately means WE are not the same person anymore. The world isn’t reflected off of the same person we used to be. Part(s) of the mosaic of our identity are missing and there isn’t anything yet to replace them.
Whether it’s Penn State or the Pittsburgh steel mills, your marriage or your health.
And the funny thing is: we can’t laugh yet until we accept that we are not the same person we used to be.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor & change, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope at 3:56 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
When we get to a sense of ACCEPTANCE of our chang-ed situation, there is no struggle. Even though we STILL don’t know where our path is. We may feel frustration, but it’s inner-directed.
(We are still hearing the voices of others: Telling us what we ’should’ be, how long we ’should’ grieve, and how perfect we must appear).
Others may be more helpful. But their words are muffled. We’re in a haze and a fog, and we don’t know how to get out. Even worse–it feels like we’ll NEVER get out!
Of course, none of this is funny.
But when we can make that shift in perspective—-the shift that reminds us we DO have hope; we ARE capable; we CAN succeed—-well, then, our whole world changes…
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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10.27.12
Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor & change, Humor attitude, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:46 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Comfort zone. We hear that word and we usually think of lazy people. Eating comfort food. Watching the world and success pass them by.
But those ‘lazy’ people may just have the key.
Because the only way we can get OUT of our comfort zone is to START from staying in it.
Our comfort zone is that container that reminds us who we are, what our strengths are. It is from there that we springboard to new activities and identities.
The “get out of your comfort zone” mantra is too stifling. Like someone telling you to wake up for school when the blankets are warm. We don’t like it. And it isn’t motivating us to become better, just resentful. It puts us on the dangerous path to perfectionism. Which takes us further and further away from ourselves.
Without a comfortable comfort zone, we lose that connection with our ‘realness’. We forget that we are capable of taking risks, we forget that we are capable—period.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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