10.27.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, Humor~Spirituality, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 2:16 am by Dr. Trina Hess
A funeral. The bottom line. The last straw. Where we re-evaluate not only the life of the deceased, but our own as well.
I was thinking about a funeral I attended a few years ago, for my friend Becky. I saw how humor offers us resilience and relief. I realized with gratitude how much alike comedy and grieving actually are. They are both necessary and healing. Think of the comedy-tragedy two-for-one on those masks and trinkets you can get in Venice. (Italy, that is. Venice, California may have another type of tragedy, I don’t know, I’ve never been there.)
Becky was one of those witty people whose sometimes politically-incorrect remarks came at just the right time. At her funeral, her son-in-law told us funny stories, like how ‘angry’ Becky was that when he married her daughter, he made Becky a mother-in-law at age 41. That joke ran through their lifestories together, and became a call-back of sorts.
Don’t you just love those people who do that at funerals! They give us a release, a chance to laugh, to breathe, to forget about how sad we are, and remind us that we are still capable of laughter! Even in this most tragic of moments.
Humor healed me during this funeral, as I watched my friend’s grandson pick his nose and stare at all the people sitting behind him. He wasn’t being very polite! He wasn’t using good behavior!
But he was funny. And I needed and appreciated him for that.
Later, I told my friend, “I’m glad I didn’t have you guys for my babysitters: ’Come on, we’re going to a funeral!’ Where are you taking him next, to the dentist?” To which she replied, “No, we’re going to take him home and beat him!”
Now that was completely politically incorrect! Hurtful! Uncalled for! And you know what? We laughed about it. It was exactly what we needed to shake us out of our grief, our suffering, our despair. A nice, safe joke wouldn’t do at this time.
I told other people about our new ‘joke’, and they laughed. This led to us talking about other funny and good memories of Becky as we ate scalloped potatoes at the dinner following. This time without tears.
(One comic says that no matter who you are, everyone’s life ends with someone eating potato salad. In my denomination, it’s scalloped potatoes. We are reformed.)
We had traveled through our grief by way of our humor. Thank you, Becky, for helping us to remember to always have laughter on hand, close to the surface. In this life and probably also the next.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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09.20.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Research, Humor~Spirituality, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:00 am by Dr. Trina Hess
What happens when change happens?
We panic and we start to think our way out of the mess we’re in.
But our mind doesn’t have all the information we need. It may not even have our best interests in mind.
In my research on work transitions, people gravitated somewhat naturally to a higher source for their answers. At their end of the rope were solace, solutions, or just serenity—if they let go of the mind-hold.
The turmoil that sometimes characterizes the change process diminishes or distorts our sense of self. As the rug is pulled out from under us, so is our identity.
We need to find out, rediscover, or else reconstruct—who we are. Only when we do that can we make good choices. Decisions that will put us back into a post-change comfort zone. A new beginning.
And that’s how we access a higher source—by STAYing in our comfort zone.
Forget all you’ve heard about stretching your limits. When you’re in difficult change, go for the comfort food. Familiar activities, fun diversions.
Because it is when we are within joy that we remember who we are. We have a surer footing to stand on, to make the next leap in and through our transition situation.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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03.03.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Humor~Research, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 4:25 am by Dr. Trina Hess
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=73081&cmd=tc Click the link above to hear today’s interview, completely improvised….BUT we learned how to say “Yes, And” and also how to “Do It Wrong, Do It Strong.”
Listen in and find out how you can be the spark to:
1. change the mood of a situation
2. alter people’s perception of what’s wrong,
3. give people permission to have fun!
Don’t panic, the sound returns…..
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02.21.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 10:08 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
The labyrinth stood by itself on the other side of the road. To get to it, I had to cross the soft mushy ground and mounds of mud. Once there, I started into the maze. It looked like a condensed running track from high school. But the more I walked, the more I started to panic.
My eyes raced to trace the path direction further ahead of where I was: WAS there an end to this? Or was it a trick? Were people looking from the windows, was there a hidden camera?
I thought about cheating—maybe I should step over the brick lining that traced the shape of the maze. But: maybe that was bad luck? I was even thinking about going back to the beginning to check the map on the plaque there. But that would also mean stepping over the brick lining.
As I kept walking the path, my mind went back to grade school. Those maze puzzles—I used to cheat and start at the END of the puzzle. That way I KNEW I would find the solution! Then I could start form the beginning and just re-trace my steps.
I had also cheated on the vocabulary games. I would go to that letter in the dictionary to get ready for the word we had to speed-find. I would go there while the other kids were just taking out their dictionaries. “Trina wait for everyone before we start,” the teacher would always catch me. But I would still always keep doing it, keep working ahead.
Maybe the circular nature of the maze made me circle back in time. And maybe it unraveled past guilts, brought out to be unraveled by the maze? But my pattern of crimes isn’t too unlike what we all do when confronted with a dilemma. Work ahead, make sure we’re out in front of the other people, make ourselves look good.
This maze, that game, all of life is no different. We have a labyrinth and we have panic.
I laughed at myself as I rounded the next turn in the path. I saw that I only ever had to be concerned about the next turn. Not the next 22 turns up ahead. Once I realized that there was a legitimate end to the labyrinth, I relaxed.
All we have to do is keep moving, and watch where we are going. Putting one foot after the other, right in front of you. As long as we don’t stop walking, we will get out of the maze.
But unfortunately, change stops us in our tracks. The rug has been pulled, the jig is up. Moving is exactly what we can’t do because sometimes we forget how.
There IS a solution out there. You can say it’s God or a higher source, or simply the end of the ego. Got has his pencil at the end of the maze. And God is allowed to “cheat” like this because, after all, he created the game.
The only time we need to panic, rush, and come up with a quick answer that’s correct is when we’re doing our taxes. Otherwise, we can afford to rest in the comfort of the chaos, trusting that there IS a way out. If we only relax.
How will YOU get out of your labyrinth? How funny is THAT?
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02.15.12
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Events, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 4:41 am by Dr. Trina Hess
I spent Valentine’s Day this year ice skating and then going to a funeral home. Big fun, right? Normally Valentine’s Day is riddled with anxiety: Will I get good gifts? Will I get any gifts? What should I get people? Will I be able to get my grandma’s gift to her in time?
But this year was different. No romance, no saccharine, no consumerism. Just pure love.
One of my fellow ice skating students is experiencing the end of her seventeen-year marriage. It’s her first Valentine’s Day alone–ever. Another friend just lost her sister and today was the viewing. My friend Mrs. B spent her second Valentine’s Day as a widow. In the midst of a cold, rehearsals, and deadlines, I didn’t even get my grandma anything—not even a card. How can any of that be called love?
It was LOVE that happened around all those events.
I called my Grandma to wish her a Happy Valentine’s Day. She didn’t say, “Hey, where is my card, the flowers, what’s going on?” That was love.
Today my ice skating instructor passed me on the adult basic skills class. Even though I still can’t do the snowplow stop. “You don’t know when to stop.” “Yes I do; I just don’t know HOW.” That was love.
At the end of class, my ice skating friend called happily after the instructor, “Happy Valentine’s Day!” She even cheered me up about the ending of my own two-year relationship. Her attitude made me think she was part of a happy couple, and getting lots and lots of gifts this Valentine’s Day! No. It was just love.
When I showed up at the viewing, the family was ready to leave. That I was dressed like a bag lady after hurriedly dressing after ice skating class—didn’t matter. I was there. That was love.
I remembered how we all spent a Sunday afternoon together last Fall, taking pictures of the leaves. I hugged my friend’s nephew, whose mom had just died. I hugged my friend and her sister. I didn’t know what to say. It was just love.
Then my friend told her family, “I’m going back in with Trina.” That was love. When I asked her if she wanted me to come to the funeral tomorrow before my appointments with both the periodontist and the orthodontist, she said, “Don’t push yourself.” That was love. That I just may make it a triumvirate and do those two plus a funeral–that isn’t love. But if you’re going to have a bad day, you may as well go full throttle. (“Do it wrong, do it strong,” as they told us in Second City…).
When I got home, I called Mrs. B to wish her Happy Valentine’s Day. “We made it through didn’t we?” she said. She’d seen “eight men in the store buying Valentine’s Day gifts for their sweetheart, and I got a pang in my Heart, ‘he’s not with me’…” and her voice trailed off.
She told me she’d spent the day with her family and her new puppy. We talked about the new kitten that wandered into my yard and my life. (And how I hope it isn’t the neighbor’s because I’m keeping it.) That was love. (And possession, but mostly love.)
We talked about the peeing on the floor, the destruction of newspapers. That the hyperactivity of the new puppy made her, “so busy I didn’t have time to dwell on it. He’s up in Heaven with Jesus this year.” That was love.
She said last year she was in such shock that nothing registered for her. This year nothing registered for me. And—I wasn’t worried about it. I can get gifts tomorrow. Cheaper. In fact, I can give gifts any time of the year.
Why does this day have to have a certain “look?” We don’t have any expectations about how people “should” act or be, or what to buy on Halloween, Groundhog Day, or April Fool’s Day. And so, those are the most enjoyable holidays (for me, anyway. Even though there are no iced sugar cookies at those times…).
I’ve decided that Valentine’s Day (or any holiday) doesn’t need to look like anything.
As long as there is love.
Love within pain is sometimes the most meaningful. The most profound. And the most true.
When we’re not focusing on our own pain, we are love.
And that was a Happy Valentine’s Day for me. How funny is THAT?
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01.30.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:59 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Change means that we feel out of control. We don’t know who we are anymore. We’ve lost our identity, and with it, our sense of humor. Then, we take everything seriously, including—and especially—ourselves.
So then we can’t relax. So then we can’t focus; our decisions are skewed. What we’re left with are actions that may be moving forward, but we still feel out of control. We question: Maybe this isn’t the forward motion we’re supposed to be on.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that my grandma was out of it. She didn’t remember me or know who I was. Suddenly, I felt afraid. Felt out of control—of the dream scene, my feelings, and my choices.
That dream got me thinking about caregivers. When a scene like that dream happens in real life, what do caregivers do? All of a sudden their ‘in control’ life of saying “Hi” to their loved ones disappears. They become strangers in this new, strange land. No wonder there is little to laugh at or about.
But if we can’t lighten up, we can’t help our loved one to lighten up either. No matter who they think we are. We create a negative vortex of sad-ittude that begins with fear and swirls around with what-if’s, avoidance, denial, and then we may just bolt from the room in a self-generated panic.
My grandpa died in a nursing home. The day he left, he’d asked for his hat, shoes, and “billfold” (wallet). He was ready to go. He knew it.
He was in control.
We weren’t.
He knew his identity was leaving now.
We didn’t know that.
But what if there is a stage amid failure of one thing and success in the next? 
Why not claim this limbo state, and declare it as our identity? What if accepting that we are out of control were our (only) way of being “in control”?
How that would make us laugh!
How that would clarify our decision-making!
How that would make things much easier to handle and accept!
How funny is THAT?
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10.11.11
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:05 am by Dr. Trina Hess
How funny is God? How can we know? Why would or should we care?
In my study of people reconstructing their identity after having made a work transition, I found the spiritual factor to be a central force in determining whether someone could or could not make it through a transition. That’s because it is only this spirituality that unleashes us from the control, stagnant thinking, and hopelessness of the ego. Nothing else will do it.
The essence of positive humor (as defined by the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor) is therapeutic. It begs each of us to get rid of the ego.
At this year’s AATH conference, Dr. Waleed Salameh talked about his extensive research on humor and how the ego is what keeps us from experiencing joy. Prevents us from taking ourselves lightly. That’s because the ego demands that we take ourselves seriously in order to protect our image. To uphold our notion of perfectionism.
That’s fine if you want to roll around endlessly in a vacuum or like a hardball rolling around a roulette wheel but never stopping. It’s motion, but it’s going nowhere. It’s directionless and not much fun. And, you never really find out who you are—your identity.
Without the ability to know YOU, you lose the ability to direct your resources toward your purpose in life. You can’t seem to make it out of the morass that we call “change.”
That’s where humor enters in: when we have this positive humor, we are well-poised to discover our direction, our purpose, our identity. Humor helps us in these important ways:
1. Humor encourages us toward the TRUTH of a situation
2. Humor enables us to hold divergent views and not buckle
3. Humor establishes a basis for hope to grow and then lead us toward our goals
But none of this can happen when the ego stands in our way.
And that’s where God enters in. Spirituality. Or at least something that’s outside your ego, untouched by your control. Maybe your spirituality is an entity, a feeling, or a state of mind. Maybe for you it’s an essence, an inspiration. If it’s not there, your direction is at a standstill.
Who are you and what is your purpose? How funny is THAT?
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08.21.11
Posted in Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, The Change Process at 11:42 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
What’s So Funny About Traffic?
by Dr. Trina Hess www.humoracademy.com
Today I realized three things that traffic can do to make us laugh. Traffic, you see, offers us …
1. An instant chance to see things in a different way.
This new sight lets us lighten up and laugh.
“Nice turn signal, buddy!” That phrase is usually said sarcastically and in the absence of a turn signal. Today as a car was approaching, with turn signal on, I realized something profound and quite relaxing: It’s MUCH better, someone who uses no turn signal when turning, than someone who uses a turn signal and doesn’t mean it.
The latter is much more dangerous. You could pull out of your road and into the car’s path. You thought he was turning. He didn’t.
2. An instant opportunity to let go and laugh.
A slow-moving Buick pulled onto the road I was on. As I followed the loping car, getting angrier and madder that it was making me late, I noticed something.
There was a turkey in the back seat. Usually the turkey is driving, but this case was different: A child was wearing a Thanksgiving home-made turkey with hand-feathers. In August. Completely random; obviously as oblivious as the car’s driver to the outside world; and–absolutely funny! I smiled the whole way to my destination.
3. An instant reminder of connecting with our fellow drivers.
A four-way stop can be a tense situation. No one knows when to go. But like any situation that at first looks stressful, the four-way stop holds potential.
It gives us a free opportunity to be a good neighbor, and to do it nearly anonymously. You can wave someone on, someone who “legally” should let you go first. No explanations, no rationale, no embarrassment for being such a nice person.
Traffic is important because it offers us instant instances for laughter.
Our goal? To shorten the twist in perspective and get to the laugh.
Our solution? Get in the car and get on the road to lightness…
What made YOU smile today? How funny is THAT?
Join the traffic on Facebook and join the fun!
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04.25.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:43 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
It IS possible to be too de-stressed. I’ll give you time to re-read that sentence.
I’m talking about de-stressed—to the point of giving up, letting people walk all over us, our dignity and what we thought was our personal freedom and meaning.
Coming home from a conference, I was stopped at the radiation-monitor known as TSA. Apparently I seemed suspicious. I could have been planning to throw a malatov cocktail. (Have they ever seen me throw a ball? Even young children laugh at me).
“Can I get my bags off the conveyor belt?” I asked in a panic, as I watched people rush by my exposed money, clothing and make-up. People who were by then overly-irritated and probably also money-hungry and make-up challenged.
Sure I did have those >3 oz. make-up items in my bag but this punishment was going too far. I surely wasn’t going to combine them into an explosive. (Have they seen my chemistry grades? THAT’s what should constitute an airline screening! Throwing a ball and science abilities. I could run through the detectors!)
But the screener didn’t seem to hear me. As he was closing the see-through door of the plastic square of guilt, he simply added, chuckling, “Just keep an eye on ‘em.” He chuckled! HE was obviously de-stressing in his job. And that was for me very distressing!
There was no way—AND no reason—for me to see this situation in a funny way. How did I know? I just knew. On a visceral level. That something was very wrong with this picture. Especially after the cursory and probably also-meaningless swabbing of my hands after I was released from the guilt chamber.
Did they think that in addition to being a threat that I was also one of those people who doesn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom??? Where would it end?
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Where IS the line? And does it depend on our mood of the day? I hope that even on a good hair day I will STILL take offense at being “chosen” for “special” screeing.
Instead of laughing off our stress, let’s instead screen our stress-reduction tendencies and beliefs before implementing them:
1. First, see if the situation is flush with reality. Does it make sense, what’s happening?
2. Second, what does it do to your feeling of personal dignity? Some people are offended at blue humor. Others don’t even notice it. How do YOU feel?
3. Finally, even if there is nothing inherently funny in the situation, we can maintian a humorous outlook INWARDLY. As a meditative state that allows us clarity and the capacity for action.
How did YOU survive today’s screening? How funny is THAT? How funny SHOULD it be?
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04.11.11
Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, www.HumorAcademy.com at 9:56 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Or—in the air. This week’s Comedy Around the World goes home.
Last night late I came back to Pittsburgh International Airport. After leaving from a place like Orlando I generally expect the weather at home to be about 20 degrees colder, give or take 40 degrees.
But surprisingly enough, it was a warm night. The moon was out and there was a nice breeze. So I decided to walk the disjointed maze that is extended parking, and find my car by foot instead of waiting for the shuttle.
When I stopped off the highway to get some caffeine, two clerks were smoking outside the doors. I asked them, “Are you still open now?”
They said, “Yes, we just didn’t want to stay inside, it’s too nice out here!”
I said, “I know!” and told them about my parking lot walk.
That’s the way humor is. It’s like that warm night air. It’s everywhere. It’s in the ether.
We just don’t always see or feel it because of other distractions.
Maybe we wanted to be in the air conditioning.
Maybe we went to bed already.
Maybe we decided to go inside and listen to music or watch tv.
Maybe we were outside but had other thoughts in our minds so that we didn’t even notice the pleasant evening.
People sometimes ask how I can be so quick with my remarks to hecklers or other Q&A participants. My answer: I love hecklers. THEY are out in the warm night air. They feel the ether, and together we’re both merely reaching up and grabbing humor elements out of thin air. LIterally.
But in order to do this, you have to meet certain criteria. You have to be outside (though not necessarily with a cigarette). In the fray. Part of the mix.
And then just let yourself enjoy. Just like you don’t have to force yourself to enjoy a warm breeze, or a glimpse at the moon, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to find, use, or experience humor.
What’s the temperature like where YOU are? How funny is THAT?
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