12.20.12
Posted in Comedy Around The World, Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, Stress and Change, humor & hope at 1:47 am by Dr. Trina Hess
I decided to bring back Comedy Around the World. This week’s episode goes shopping for Christmas presents!
Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year. It’s right up there with Groundhog Day and April Fool’s Day. But not for the reasons you may think. It’s not because people are in a good mood, or willing to be kind to one another. That’s old hat.
I love this time of year because people are willing to go completely off the chain of logic and reason.
We claim that Christmas is a stressful time. But in fact, we’re throwing OFF our stress-inducing habits.
* We’re NOT hypervigilant about gas prices when there’s shopping to be done.
* We’re NOT paranoid about keeping to our time schedules.
* We DON’T care about our diets.
* We are solely focused on having FUN.
Here are some examples I’ve witnessed (or committed) myself:
1. People are completely un-gas-saving. Forgot a present for someone? Just drive another 30 miles out of your way. It’s a gift. It’s Christmas. If you’re in Pittsburgh, perhaps you could drive over to Robinson Town Centre.
2. People are wholly unselfish. I was about to pay for my groceries at the Amish smashed can store when the owner handed me a pen. I said, “I’ve already signed UP for the free gift certificate.” I had obeyed the sign that read, ”Just write your name and phone number.” Where they were getting a phone, I didn’t know. He said, “NO! This is a GIFT!” Completely unnatural especially since the store sells $4.95 health food store crackers for .35 cents. Insane!
3. People jump start their impulsiveness by throwing out their schedules. Have to get up at 5:30 a.m. for work? Doesn’t matter, stores are open until 10. And you will go shopping, because it is Christmastime.
What other time of the year lets us let ourselves be so free, so unfettered, and at ease? No, we’re not non-conformist—at this time of year EVERYone is being nonconformist. But we ARE being truer to ourselves.
Staying up late when we shouldn’t.
Eating sugar-laden foods haphazardly because friends are near.
Driving maniacally from store to store when gas is $4.52 a gallon.
Nonsense!
Madness!
And very, very FUN.
What are YOU doing that is irrational and illogical this Christmas season? How funny (and STRESS-FREE) is THAT?
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess atwww.trinahess.com
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Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, Stress and Change, The Change Process, humor & hope at 1:28 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Let the games begin! I vote to bring back Festivus. The man-made holiday you probably remember from
Seinfeld. Forget about charming, candy-coated Christmas season. Let’s get real!
I thought about Festivus when I heard the statistic that the highest rate of suicide is during the Christmastime holiday. Seems completely untrue. Christmas is for love, caring, giving, hope, etc., etc., etc.
The problem is that we’re supposed to think that. And then we’re supposed to live up to that, and —worse—expect that from other people.
The holiday season slams the door on humor. Here’s why:
1. We seldom look at a stressful situation in its entirety. What is the whole situation, what are all our feelings—both good and bad?
2. We aim unrealistically high in our goal to achieve the Rockwell painting. A painting that was probably a fake—has anyone really ever checked?
3. We work against our own best interests, neglect our mental and spiritual health. In short, we generally and habitually put ourselves last.
4. We aren’t having fun because at the holidays we meet up with the most stressful person in the world: ourselves!
So what’s the remedy? How CAN we make Christmas the way it’s “supposed” to be?
By not expecting it to BE anything. It’s not “supposed” to be happy. The holiday was variously pagan, and then involved birthing a baby in a Middle Eastern barn and freezing with no heat. How fun is that?
And from there, it has morphed into a one-up-man-ship of better and better gifts. Out-doing each other in holiday parties. Worrying about the kids hating us for not getting them cool toys. Loathing ourselves for continuing to do things we hate doing like sending Christmas cards, etc., etc., etc.
No wonder people get depressed at this time of year!
Here’s a strategy that is not “supposed” to work, but you can try it anyway.
—> If you don’t like doing a holiday task, stop doing it. Sure everyone will hate you for not mutually sending cards. But maybe they will hate you regardless.
—> If you simply cannot stop yourself from sending Christmas cards, do it the Festivus way. Write in the card all the ways that particular person has disappointed you. Next year you can stop, because they won’t miss your card.
—> Get real with yourself. If you’re ready to burst into tears because you don’t even know what an iPod is and you have to buy one so your family member will be happy—well, then, just have a break-down. Right there in the kitchen store where you’ve gone to find an iPod.
Follow these tips and maybe YOU can set the example for others to get real, too. If we have entire cities of people who can’t deal with the holidays maybe we’ll all feel less stressful.
Feel free to add to the list. The only thing that is “supposed” to be on the list is what keeps YOUR humor nature alive and healthy.
What’s so funny about that? Simply everything.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess atwww.trinahess.com
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11.25.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Health & Goals, Stress and Change, The Change Process, www.trinahess.com at 6:20 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Lake Placid, New York. Home of the mighty Adirondacks. Also home of my first stint at “real” hiking.
I thought, “I can do this. I’ve finished eleven full-length 26.2 mile marathons. Alive. This hiking stuff is merely walking through the woods.”
Was I ever wrong!
Not only was the hike humid, strenuous, and difficult. It was endless. That’s because it wasn’t what I’d expected.
The onset of stress makes us think differently…
We expect a certain outcome. We prepare for that. We think we know it all. And so—we get surprised.
By our inadequacies.
By our lack of knowledge.
And then we berate ourselves.
Or take it out on someone else.
That scene is almost as excruciating as the hike I did. But our reactions to stress don’t have to look like that. Not even on the mountain. Just apply what I did to survive the 3-hour hike: I wasn’t strolling nicely through the woods in my borrowed camel-back water-er and hiking shorts. No! I was doing whatever it took to get up and back down the mountaintop:
Climbing ape-like over the steep rocky banks. Hand, foot, leg crawl-over, and another hand. Hoping I wouldn’t slip. Slipping anyway. Breaking to rest the ankle I had sprained 5 days earlier. Re-wrapping my sprained ankle. Scratching the bug-bites on my armpit.
I tell you, it wasn’t pretty.
And that’s exactly where we start to get IN CONTROL of stress:
1. Give yourself a break. Aiming at perfection will only limit what you WILL do. What you are willing to go through. And that necessarily limits your possible, positive outcomes.
2. Be ready to try out a new way. My idea of hiking has always been upright, human-like. Never did I think I would have to resort to crawling on hands and knees. But new circumstances require us to think in new ways.
3. Look out. Be forward-looking, but not in a controlling way. Stay flexible. On your toes. Ready to accommodate anything that comes your way.
Which branch will you grab next to pull yourself up the steep bank? Is that rock stable enough for your weak ankle? Can you step on the log over the mud, or should you try the grassy side of the trail? Think ahead to how you can approach your next stress-filled mountain. We will climb many of them in our lifetime. The difference is that when we’re alert, flexible and open, we may have more fun getting to the top. And back down again.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.trinahess.com
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09.11.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 5:19 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Today is 9-11. The day that changed our perspective about life and loss. Today also reminds me of another loss. Five months after the 9-11attacks, my grandpa died.
I took my grandma to her physical therapy sessions in the weeks following grandpa’s death. She was working out, focusing on moving forward in life. The physical therapist thought she was being helpful when she brought up grandma’s loss.
“I know it’s hard losing someone we love.” Not only that, but she put her hand on my grandma’s shoulder. I noticed my grandma starting to cry.
I was furious! This “helpful” and “caring” “professional” actually made my grandma feel worse. My grandma isn’t the type who talks about her feelings. She wants to appear strong and to feel strong. Especially during a challenging loss like this one.
Losses make us feel out of control. We grasp onto something familiar. We cling to our coping mechanisms. We just want to feel O.K. again.
We think that by addressing what we think is the “obvious” we are improving the bereaved’s condition. That may work for some people. But for others, that strategy drags people deep into a situation that they feel unable to handle.
Why not address the “obvious” by matching the other person’s mood? If they didn’t bring up the subject, then you don’t either. When they are ready to talk, they may tell their story. If they trust you. If they feel they can maintain some form of control over their emotions.
Not all of us want to talk. Not all of us are mushy, even during a commonly-shared tragedy like 9-11.
Because we don’t meet the textbook solution for dealing with tragedy and loss doesn’t make us wrong. It makes us human. We will be able to handle the situation, talk about it, process it.
In our own time.
That’s why humor is so vital especially during loss. It reminds people of what they DO have control over–finding something funny. Or not. But if we insist on the touching-the-arm, caring response, we will miss our cue. And we may even prevent others from healing.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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08.31.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Health & Goals, Laughter Meditation, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:54 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
The negative thing about positive thinking is that we position it as the ultimate. And it is. We ALL want to think positively, to dream hopefully, and to live peaceably. But positive thinking, as we’ve known it, leads us to decry and deny the negative.
For some people this method DOES work. Those people should stop reading now.
For others, that method backfires and makes us feel even worse than the original negative event.
Fear is the biggest motivator — if we start to cry we will never stop. If we express our anger, we will never reign it in. If we voice our hopelessness we will forever remain in the abyss.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to work that way…
IF we give ourselves a set amount of time to express. And then an equal amount of time to process.
It is that simple. We don’t have to deny ourselves the entirety of our experience or the total of our emotions. And the more we get used to this rhythm, the more quickly we can return to it in times of negativity.
What’s so bad about negativity? And how funny can you make THAT?
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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07.22.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Health & Goals, Laughter Meditation, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 12:30 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Trina Hess as balloon girl at Alice Cooper concert last week
We’ve been schooled to visualize our future, even feeling what it would be like after the goal has been reached.
The only problem is, if we knew how it felt, we would probably be there by now.
If we knew how to get our ‘future self’ to tell our current self how we accomplished our goal—well, wouldn’t we just go ahead and take those steps now?
When we focus on these exact outcomes, precise feelings, we aren’t hearing our own wisdom. And that is what gets us to our goal.
The good news is that we don’t need to have any answers. All we need to do is clear the way so we can see the path.
That’s what quietude does for us. No matter how you arrive at it—exercise, aromatherapy, acupuncture, meditation, sitting in silence, or laughter or dance. These active measures break through the noise of confusion that goal-setting sets up in us.
When we get used to our silence, we can start hearing the solutions. That’s all we need.
Because every change consists of many tiny microscopic choices. Some so miniscule we don’t even realize we’re making them. But each mindset, mood, emotion makes that choice FOR us, if we’re not in awareness.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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03.03.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Humor~Research, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 4:25 am by Dr. Trina Hess
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=73081&cmd=tc Click the link above to hear today’s interview, completely improvised….BUT we learned how to say “Yes, And” and also how to “Do It Wrong, Do It Strong.”
Listen in and find out how you can be the spark to:
1. change the mood of a situation
2. alter people’s perception of what’s wrong,
3. give people permission to have fun!
Don’t panic, the sound returns…..
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01.30.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Inspirational, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:59 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Change means that we feel out of control. We don’t know who we are anymore. We’ve lost our identity, and with it, our sense of humor. Then, we take everything seriously, including—and especially—ourselves.
So then we can’t relax. So then we can’t focus; our decisions are skewed. What we’re left with are actions that may be moving forward, but we still feel out of control. We question: Maybe this isn’t the forward motion we’re supposed to be on.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamed that my grandma was out of it. She didn’t remember me or know who I was. Suddenly, I felt afraid. Felt out of control—of the dream scene, my feelings, and my choices.
That dream got me thinking about caregivers. When a scene like that dream happens in real life, what do caregivers do? All of a sudden their ‘in control’ life of saying “Hi” to their loved ones disappears. They become strangers in this new, strange land. No wonder there is little to laugh at or about.
But if we can’t lighten up, we can’t help our loved one to lighten up either. No matter who they think we are. We create a negative vortex of sad-ittude that begins with fear and swirls around with what-if’s, avoidance, denial, and then we may just bolt from the room in a self-generated panic.
My grandpa died in a nursing home. The day he left, he’d asked for his hat, shoes, and “billfold” (wallet). He was ready to go. He knew it.
He was in control.
We weren’t.
He knew his identity was leaving now.
We didn’t know that.
But what if there is a stage amid failure of one thing and success in the next? 
Why not claim this limbo state, and declare it as our identity? What if accepting that we are out of control were our (only) way of being “in control”?
How that would make us laugh!
How that would clarify our decision-making!
How that would make things much easier to handle and accept!
How funny is THAT?
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12.05.11
Posted in Humor & change, Humor~Health & Goals, Humor~Research, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 7:58 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
I used to believe the Oprah chant that we are the creators of our selves. We decide what our identity will be. I used to believe that. Until the Penn State scandal.
The news of the scandal, and especially the shock of Joe Paterno’s ousting, were unsettling to this recent Penn State graduate. The entire escapade highlighted just how little control we sometimes may have in deciding who “we” “are”.
The Paterno news was startling, because the coach came to represent Penn State’s identity. Even more than the high quality research history, the other sports and academic programs, the creamery and the animal studies.
But I was never a football fan. The only Penn State gear I bought in my 7 year career there was a pair of blue fleece mittens with the Nittany Lion logo. I didn’t buy football jerseys, or even go to any games. My strategy had always been to get out of town when there was a game, otherwise I would be stuck in the tiny-streeted maze until after half- time.
So why did the news affect me like it did?
I felt, as one person walking on the streets of State College commented, “like I was in a daze.” This is what it feels like to not know your identity. And this is exactly what happens when we’re slapped in the face with CHANGE.
Sure we do and can decide how we will define our identity. But even more so, and even more surprising, is that we also absorb large amounts of other things that define our identity. These are the facets that we must investigate, and later integrate (or not) as we go through a transition situation.
The bad news is that we don’t realize this. We want to overcome the change, get back to normal, and feel happy again. Even more bad news: when we encounter change, our first reaction may be to grasp on to disjointed tips and advice and therefore we don’t successfully complete our change. We end up back in the vortex of feeling like we’re in a daze.
We need a systematic approach to change. A program that will help us to naviagte, incorporate, and enjoy the process of change.
The good news is that we CAN do this—but only by using our innate sense of HUMOR…
Who are you after a change? How funny is THAT?
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09.20.11
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Creativity, Humor~Health & Goals, Learning Identity, www.HumorAcademy.com at 2:21 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Every time I see William Hurt, I like him more and more. I just watched him yesterday in “The 4th Floor.” The more I watched his stoic character, the more I realized, HE embodies HUMOR.
No, he’s not rolling in the aisles.
No, he’s not cracking jokes.
No, he’s not even smiling.
But what he DOES do is open up a world where HUMOR can thrive. Here’s how:
1. He is un-usual. His character is definitely not what we think of when we think of the status quo “actor.” He’s not one of those Lifetime-movie heavy-sighing, cat-fighting, back-stabbing actor (and those are just the love scenes).
Instead, the silence of his character lets OUR creativity roar. His minute, almost imperceptible facial expressions let US read into the story, let US make up our own minds about him, about his relationship to the other characters, and his level of guilt and suspicion.
2. He makes us wonder. He stands back and lets US figure out “the joke”, or the meaning of the movie. Not only that, but his complete lack of the lady-ga-ga-style over-the-top style that we’ve come to define as “entertainment”—that’s what makes him compelling.
3. He opens space. Like all good humor, he surprises us, catches us off guard, because he isn’t doing anything. He’s not flailing around, he’s not shouting, he doesn’t have a non-content-rich reality show. He doesn’t DO anything!!! And in today’s world of people who do too much, that is fascinating!!! It’s ground-breaking!! It is different. And we notice.
4. He is OK with what is. William Hurt embraces the quality of acceptance—one of the key components that makes humor work. He’s no Brad Pitt. He probably looks like your dentist. He doesn’t wear flashy clothes or talk in an accent. He doesn’t have abs.
You can imagine that this actor you watch on screen is the same one who would be taking out the garbage to the curb on trash day, going to PTA meetings, or balancing his checkbook. He simply makes a seamless transition to his career, which happens to be acting, the way people transition from getting out of bed and into their car to go to their jobs. This comfortable acceptance of himself makes us feel comfortable watching him. He is credible. That makes his characters credible. That makes me more interested in seeing what else he will (or won’t) do.
Is your humor style Hurt-ing anyone? I hope so.
Being yourself is very compelling. And you might even surprise someone…..
How funny is THAT?
Tell us more at www.HumorAcademy.com and then continue the conversation on Facebook!
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