12.20.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Events, Humor~Health & Goals, Stress and Change, The Change Process, humor & hope at 1:28 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Let the games begin! I vote to bring back Festivus. The man-made holiday you probably remember from
Seinfeld. Forget about charming, candy-coated Christmas season. Let’s get real!
I thought about Festivus when I heard the statistic that the highest rate of suicide is during the Christmastime holiday. Seems completely untrue. Christmas is for love, caring, giving, hope, etc., etc., etc.
The problem is that we’re supposed to think that. And then we’re supposed to live up to that, and —worse—expect that from other people.
The holiday season slams the door on humor. Here’s why:
1. We seldom look at a stressful situation in its entirety. What is the whole situation, what are all our feelings—both good and bad?
2. We aim unrealistically high in our goal to achieve the Rockwell painting. A painting that was probably a fake—has anyone really ever checked?
3. We work against our own best interests, neglect our mental and spiritual health. In short, we generally and habitually put ourselves last.
4. We aren’t having fun because at the holidays we meet up with the most stressful person in the world: ourselves!
So what’s the remedy? How CAN we make Christmas the way it’s “supposed” to be?
By not expecting it to BE anything. It’s not “supposed” to be happy. The holiday was variously pagan, and then involved birthing a baby in a Middle Eastern barn and freezing with no heat. How fun is that?
And from there, it has morphed into a one-up-man-ship of better and better gifts. Out-doing each other in holiday parties. Worrying about the kids hating us for not getting them cool toys. Loathing ourselves for continuing to do things we hate doing like sending Christmas cards, etc., etc., etc.
No wonder people get depressed at this time of year!
Here’s a strategy that is not “supposed” to work, but you can try it anyway.
—> If you don’t like doing a holiday task, stop doing it. Sure everyone will hate you for not mutually sending cards. But maybe they will hate you regardless.
—> If you simply cannot stop yourself from sending Christmas cards, do it the Festivus way. Write in the card all the ways that particular person has disappointed you. Next year you can stop, because they won’t miss your card.
—> Get real with yourself. If you’re ready to burst into tears because you don’t even know what an iPod is and you have to buy one so your family member will be happy—well, then, just have a break-down. Right there in the kitchen store where you’ve gone to find an iPod.
Follow these tips and maybe YOU can set the example for others to get real, too. If we have entire cities of people who can’t deal with the holidays maybe we’ll all feel less stressful.
Feel free to add to the list. The only thing that is “supposed” to be on the list is what keeps YOUR humor nature alive and healthy.
What’s so funny about that? Simply everything.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess atwww.trinahess.com
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10.27.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Inspirational, Humor~Spirituality, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 2:16 am by Dr. Trina Hess
A funeral. The bottom line. The last straw. Where we re-evaluate not only the life of the deceased, but our own as well.
I was thinking about a funeral I attended a few years ago, for my friend Becky. I saw how humor offers us resilience and relief. I realized with gratitude how much alike comedy and grieving actually are. They are both necessary and healing. Think of the comedy-tragedy two-for-one on those masks and trinkets you can get in Venice. (Italy, that is. Venice, California may have another type of tragedy, I don’t know, I’ve never been there.)
Becky was one of those witty people whose sometimes politically-incorrect remarks came at just the right time. At her funeral, her son-in-law told us funny stories, like how ‘angry’ Becky was that when he married her daughter, he made Becky a mother-in-law at age 41. That joke ran through their lifestories together, and became a call-back of sorts.
Don’t you just love those people who do that at funerals! They give us a release, a chance to laugh, to breathe, to forget about how sad we are, and remind us that we are still capable of laughter! Even in this most tragic of moments.
Humor healed me during this funeral, as I watched my friend’s grandson pick his nose and stare at all the people sitting behind him. He wasn’t being very polite! He wasn’t using good behavior!
But he was funny. And I needed and appreciated him for that.
Later, I told my friend, “I’m glad I didn’t have you guys for my babysitters: ’Come on, we’re going to a funeral!’ Where are you taking him next, to the dentist?” To which she replied, “No, we’re going to take him home and beat him!”
Now that was completely politically incorrect! Hurtful! Uncalled for! And you know what? We laughed about it. It was exactly what we needed to shake us out of our grief, our suffering, our despair. A nice, safe joke wouldn’t do at this time.
I told other people about our new ‘joke’, and they laughed. This led to us talking about other funny and good memories of Becky as we ate scalloped potatoes at the dinner following. This time without tears.
(One comic says that no matter who you are, everyone’s life ends with someone eating potato salad. In my denomination, it’s scalloped potatoes. We are reformed.)
We had traveled through our grief by way of our humor. Thank you, Becky, for helping us to remember to always have laughter on hand, close to the surface. In this life and probably also the next.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor & change, Humor attitude, Learning Identity, The Change Process, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:46 am by Dr. Trina Hess
Comfort zone. We hear that word and we usually think of lazy people. Eating comfort food. Watching the world and success pass them by.
But those ‘lazy’ people may just have the key.
Because the only way we can get OUT of our comfort zone is to START from staying in it.
Our comfort zone is that container that reminds us who we are, what our strengths are. It is from there that we springboard to new activities and identities.
The “get out of your comfort zone” mantra is too stifling. Like someone telling you to wake up for school when the blankets are warm. We don’t like it. And it isn’t motivating us to become better, just resentful. It puts us on the dangerous path to perfectionism. Which takes us further and further away from ourselves.
Without a comfortable comfort zone, we lose that connection with our ‘realness’. We forget that we are capable of taking risks, we forget that we are capable—period.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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10.24.12
Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor attitude at 4:59 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Alice Cooper’s Balloon Girl 2012. Click on the link to watch video of memories from this summer’s Alice Cooper concert! Enjoy!
Alice Cooper’s Balloon Girl 2012. Some fun memories from this summer’s Alice Cooper concert! Enjoy!
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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09.24.12
Posted in Dr. Trina Hess' Humor Academy, Humor attitude, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 2:51 am by Dr. Trina Hess
I sorted out some papers from a “Communicating in Business” class I once taught. I laughed out loud at some of the outdated advice. Especially when it came to how and when to use humor.
I’m not sure just how old the book was, but its musty advice reminded me that we are NEVER out of the woods when it comes to humor. We need to always be
a. aware—of the person we are talking to, and their situation
b. accepting—that they may not be ready for laughter just yet, and we shouldn’t take this personally
c. altruistic—creating the laughter environment for their benefit, and not our ego
Because humor reflects the truthfulness of a situation, it is always changing. And so too must our use and skills change.
Worksheets were festooned with all SORTS of archaic trash like, “…persuade your audience with humor…”; “inspire your audience with humor…” I don’t know why they didn’t just tell it like it is: “Annoy your audience with what you think is humorous.”
We’ve all heard about how fear-reaching technology has made our minds. We’re savvy. We’ve seen it all and we’ve heard it all. And we can’t be persuaded by SOMEONE else. People aren’t always inspired by what inspires you.
People decide for themselves if they WANT to be persuaded, inspired. Or even if they want to listen to anything we say.
It’s no longer a matter of getting people to smile. It’s way more intricate than that. People aren’t that pliable anymore. Life itself is no longer that simple. We can’t just invite a clown in and then everyone will be happy.
But that’s what our notion of “humor” continues to be. Something outside ourselves that we can impose on—or inspire in—another person.
It has to start with THEM. Where THEY are in this moment. Even if that’s not a happy place, we have to match them–meet them there.
Maybe our “humor” doesn’t make them laugh out loud.
But maybe it DOES make them feel understood, heard, and supported. That’s enough to lighten anyone’s day.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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09.12.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 1:20 am by Dr. Trina Hess
There were many bright spots in the saga of the day of September 11, 2001. Stories of heroism, caring, and the largest rescue in the history of the U.S. These things are important to remember during a tragedy. In the months after the attacks, one place encapsulated a lot of bright spots. That place was St. Paul’s Cathedral. Centrally located, spiritually aligned. And an incubator of hopefulness.
My volunteer group was stationed in this old church. A group consisting of people from various backgrounds and from far-flung states in the U.S. What we had in common was a need to make sense of the tragedy by doing whatever we could to help. In a sense, maybe we wanted to feel some sort of control over life. Ultimately, we wanted to know there was hope despite all the darkness surrounding the events and the sadness surrounding the sidewalks of this tiny church.
Our leaders instructed us in how to approach and relate to those who were left in the aftermath. How we could grasp what they were feeling and how to offer help. We went to Ground Zero, saw the notes there describing loved ones who were missing. We heard the first-hand stories of our group leaders. We cried together as we tried to piece together some order to this new world—especially this small circle of the world that had suffered so much.
What shocked me about my experience wasn’t only the visual madness I experienced. Another big surprise was our laughter. How we managed to find something to make us laugh, make each other laugh—that was the innate gift that we all have. And maybe it’s during times of darkness that this ability is most in our reach. If we grasp it.
“There’s our fearless leader, asleep on a hymnal!” someone in our group laughed, pointing to our leader asleep in between shifts at the church. Everywhere I looked during our early morning shift, people were either sleeping or talking softly with each other.
Some of us walked around the church, reading some of the posters on the walls. The drawings—colorful, cheery. Kids from all over the U.S. had sent them here to inspire and encourage the rescue workers who came here for respite. We laughed at some of the artwork and at how grown-up some of the messages were.
The Southern rescue teams laughed excitedly at our breakfast menu: grits, cornbread, and other southernstyle food. One of our team members was from North Carolina and she loved to cook! That is was 2 a.m. and we were total strangers to each other didn’t matter. When something is funny, it’s funny.
“This is off the chain!” one of the National Guard women said. We all laughed. I added, “Yeah, this is off the hook!” We laughed again.
We–were–laughing. Despite the fact we were in the middle of the night, in the middle of a city that had lost so much.
Those are the touchstones that I keep in mind when the darkness threatens. If we can reach for some way out of the pit of tragedy, we will find another hand there to pull us out. Even if it is our own, reaching back in time to remind us of the hope that is always there.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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09.11.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Humor~Health & Goals, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 5:19 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
Today is 9-11. The day that changed our perspective about life and loss. Today also reminds me of another loss. Five months after the 9-11attacks, my grandpa died.
I took my grandma to her physical therapy sessions in the weeks following grandpa’s death. She was working out, focusing on moving forward in life. The physical therapist thought she was being helpful when she brought up grandma’s loss.
“I know it’s hard losing someone we love.” Not only that, but she put her hand on my grandma’s shoulder. I noticed my grandma starting to cry.
I was furious! This “helpful” and “caring” “professional” actually made my grandma feel worse. My grandma isn’t the type who talks about her feelings. She wants to appear strong and to feel strong. Especially during a challenging loss like this one.
Losses make us feel out of control. We grasp onto something familiar. We cling to our coping mechanisms. We just want to feel O.K. again.
We think that by addressing what we think is the “obvious” we are improving the bereaved’s condition. That may work for some people. But for others, that strategy drags people deep into a situation that they feel unable to handle.
Why not address the “obvious” by matching the other person’s mood? If they didn’t bring up the subject, then you don’t either. When they are ready to talk, they may tell their story. If they trust you. If they feel they can maintain some form of control over their emotions.
Not all of us want to talk. Not all of us are mushy, even during a commonly-shared tragedy like 9-11.
Because we don’t meet the textbook solution for dealing with tragedy and loss doesn’t make us wrong. It makes us human. We will be able to handle the situation, talk about it, process it.
In our own time.
That’s why humor is so vital especially during loss. It reminds people of what they DO have control over–finding something funny. Or not. But if we insist on the touching-the-arm, caring response, we will miss our cue. And we may even prevent others from healing.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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08.29.12
Posted in Humor attitude, Humor~Business, Humor~Social Media, Humor~Technology, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:17 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
“Hi Trina, I hope you are enjoying your week! My name is Steve and I will be happy to review the charges on your bill with you….
“Trina, it was a pleasure sharing this information with you today. We appreciate you as our customer and look forward to resolving all of your concerns in the future. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week!”
I got this email today from my contact Q about an international text and the charges for it. I was expecting a long-delayed response. An auto-generated response saying something like, “Why didn’t you review our FAQ’s first?”
After all, that’s the usual way customer service situations are solved today–in the technological age. In the efficient, quick, and automated age.
But notice I didn’t say, “effective.”
The pared-down, ripped, washboard-abs business model we are encouraged to create actually isn’t very inviting. It becomes so perfect that it’s impersonal. Then when we need to make that rare personal contact with a company….
We brace ourselves for the worst.
Just think how much more progress you’d make if your response is one of levity. Immediately you burst the bracing. You allow both parties to breathe. To resolve the issue and get on with their day.
No drama, no gnashing of teeth. 
Humor’s strength is its switch in perspective. They expect the worst—give them the best. They are prepared for a sermon—give them a joke.
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07.12.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 11:50 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
What could be worse than a sharp needle, a death grip on both arm rests and kicking off that plastic cover from the bottom of the dentist’s chair?
Being the dentist who has to deal with this kind of patient. Today my dentist met the new “me.”
I told the hygeinist, “When the dentist injects the Novocaine, I want you to ask me questions. I will put up one finger for, ‘Yes,’ and two fingers for ‘No.’”
Soon into our experiment, the dentist laughed at her, “You’re striking out on all these questions, they are all “No.”"
And then I started laughing!
IN the dentist chair.
With the dentist.
Who was injecting my gums with Novocaine.
In that moment, I knew, sensed, and believed the power of laughter. Not the power of humor, because it wasn’t merely a cognitive shift in perspective. It was the physical act of laughter—that’s what made the injection pain-free.
Today’s laughter was not just a trite, nice little diversion from pain. It was a POWERful one. But it wasn’t merely random laughter. There was a definite pattern that happened today, and that’s why the pain never appeared.
A medical professional can use funny glasses, noses, props. But that still makes the patient somewhat of a victim. A non-participant, over whose body the doctor and assistant usually have a conversation about something else.
That takes away the patient’s feeling of being IN CONTROL. It always comes back to being IN CONTROL. That’s how we are able to avoid pain.
A patient can feel in control when he or she is part of the healing TEAM. As I laughed at the dentist’s remark, we were on the same level.
* Even though he held the weapon that usually reduces me to tears, hyperventilating, and racing heart. He was simply performing his job task, while having a conversation with his patient, human-to-human.
* Even when the dentist and hygeinist began talking about their weekend plans—something that didn’t include me—I still participanted in the “team”: ”They live in Colorado. There were 300 houses that were destroyed by those fires.”
I held up two fingers. ”No”, that’s bad.
* Even though they didn’t see my participantion, I did. I was contributing to the team offort. “Their family’s from Munhall.”
I held up one finger. I know where Munhall is, and I know someone who lives there.
What happened today was that the team took away my focus on me. Pain can only exist when our ego is there to prop it up. Today my ego had left the dentist chair.
And I walked out of the office building on clouds. I knew that if I can simply drive to the dentist office and simply have a filling replaced—without trauma, without terror, but WITH laughter—well, then I can do anything.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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06.28.12
Posted in Humor & change, Humor attitude, Learning Identity, The Change Process, humor & hope, www.HumorAcademy.com at 3:42 pm by Dr. Trina Hess
I
Hate learning.
Love mastery.
Hate the unknown.
Love coming into the clearing.
Hate to admit I don’t know.
Love being in control of decision-making.
Hate admitting I was wrong or outdated.
Love seeing through a brand-new lens.
HUMOR is what turns us around the corner. The “knowing” is exhilarating, the “getting it.”
More fun —> less stress —>let down your guard—>less stiff-necked
perfectionism—>more authentically “you”—>trusting yourself to recognize the answers (when they arrive).
This entire process happens each time we laugh at something.
Learning is a cumbersome version of this split-second comedic process. The pain is just the set-up. The knowing, the answer, is the punch-line. The release, the denouement, the return to ourselves, to the comfort of mastery again.
It’s that turning point, that pirouette–the pain of the unknown and the unknowable and the we-don’t-even-have-to-know-it—that is the elusive key.
Living Between the Extremes is the research study Dr. Trina Hess conducted at Penn State University. Subtitled, “How do single, mid-life women reconstruct their identity after a work transition,” the study highlights those tools that describe and inform the process of change. Find out about the change programs offered by Dr. Trina Hess at www.HumorAcademy.com
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